Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
