the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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