Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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