i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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