I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
