I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
