she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
