I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
