Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
