So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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