Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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