It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
