I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
