Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
