Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
love makes seman taste better
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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