Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
