there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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