I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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