i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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