So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We got so high we made milksteak
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
