just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I am midnight drunk by noon
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
