Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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