Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize