Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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