How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
