also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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