Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
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I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
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Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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