I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Randomize
