and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
