I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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