Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
