I'm laying in your front yard are you home
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
this hospital has no fireball
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
