just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
