I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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