omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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