Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
