I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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