I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
