sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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