the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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