also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
