Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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