the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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