apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
