dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
