so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
