Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
