this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
