Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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