My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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