no you cant smoke seaweed
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
