are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
