I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
