Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
