Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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