A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
