I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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