Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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