i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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