Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
