so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize