You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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