Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
