apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
