OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
