did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
