): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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