Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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