Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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