my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
