I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
