The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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