I want to walk on stilts...naked
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
